One man, identified as Jay, had the best intentions when he decided to spice things up in the bedroom and ordered a sex toy for his girlfriend on Amazon.
Because he doesn’t ‘like giving head’, the man bought a clitoral stimulator called Luvkis, which is meant to simulate the sensations of oral sex, as an alternative solution to his tongue (and presumably to keep his girlfriend satisfied).
If Jay’s review is anything to go by, the Luvkis – which costs £24.99 – ended up working too well.
He titled it: ‘Buy if you want an exorcism’.
‘Okay so I bought this for my girlfriend because I really don’t like giving h***,’ the review reads.
‘It’s nothing against her, I just really don’t like doing it. So I saw this and thought that she would like the sensation of both penetration and “oral” stimulation at the same time.
‘Didn’t have high hopes for this due to the price, and expected it to be pretty weak, but I tried it nonetheless.
‘She turned it onto the first setting and we got going, after about 30 seconds she pressed the toy down and – well I can’t remember the rest.’
Why, do you ask?
Jay’s girlfriend had such an intense orgasm that her legs swung out and smacked him in the face.
‘Apparently she instantly c*** so hard that her legs kicked out, hit my jaw, I went flying back and landed on the radiator,’ the review continues.
‘She thought she had killed me.
‘All in all, after a few paracetemol, a frozen bag of peas on my jaw – it’s a good toy.
‘If you are going to use it with your partner, I suggest that you wear some form of riot gear to protect you from any physical damage that may occur.
‘Yours truly, a damaged boyfriend.’
The hilarious description of the accident has since gone viral on Twitter, uploaded by a user named Moira and captioned: ‘Review on Amazon give me life!’
It must be giving more people life, as Jay’s story has since racked up over 1,000 likes, with people inspired to get the product for themselves.
‘Omg that’s brilliant. I’m off to order one now,’ replied one person.
‘Warn your partner if you plan on involving them about the dangers of injury,’ wrote someone else, with a smiley.
Another person added: ‘If riot gear is a “frequently bought with” item, we know why.’
One man even claimed the sex toy was designed from a mold of his ‘large mouth/tongue’ – but he doesn’t mention if the tongue will guarantee the same sensation, so we’d recommend sticking with the Luvkis.
After all, the product features seven different speeds from ‘mild to wild’, can be used in water and is hypoallergenic as well as odorless.
The product description on Amazon also promises that the item ‘… teases your nipples other parts of your body, arousing the most intense stimulation. Let yourself experience an unprecedented experience.’
Show us a human tongue that does all that and we’re sold.
Despite his injuries, Jay gave the toy a five-star review.
Want one for yourself? If the social media chatter is any indication, you better hurry up and get one now because they”ll likely be gone very soon.